A few days before valentine's day and the cupids are not within wishing radius. arrrgghghghgh! hopefully i won't get to my 24th heart's day all alone...
sharing with you some thoughts on love, goodbyes and evrything else that makes this world go round. thanks to joan, vince, jp n cheri, magz and lily for the inspiration.
ang buhay nga naman...
Beyond…
There is that distance that love can no longer cross
Where the beating of the heart is a stranger in memory
And to hold on is more painful than letting go
There is that place where you must find comfort
To remember what you do not know
And leave behind what fate forgot to give you
There is that part of destiny you wish never existed
A part of your existence
Too great to even ask why it drifted
There is that end that came too soon
When today was yet to be complete
But tomorrow already started to cease
Still there is something beyond fate and destiny
Something better than your misery
One thing stronger than painful irony
MOON THIEF
You always told me
that the moon gave birth
to the stars and comets
she bore longer than eternity
the day the sun
grew too big
for her own universe
You always took pity on the moon
blaming the sun
for the scars on her face
that ravaged
her imposing beauty
each time you learn
of an eclipse looming
You made
the most beautiful words
when the moon
quietly crept
and found her way
to your window
as if to be taken as your own
You always wanted
to have the moon
for your own little hands
to enfold
to heal her wounds
to cover her scars
to remove her past
You had to take
her away you said
from the sun’s wrath
that day you climbed
the top of the cliff
shouting her name
pleading, confessing
You waved your mighty sword
and clutched
your feigned wings
and leaped
to her arms
defying gravity
fearing no pain
You saw her eyes
pierce through your soul
when your hands
tried to cling
to the sky
her lifeless arms
and hollow core
Sadly,
the moon never wept
not even gave light
for your body
over the jagged rocks
shattered
beneath
Faded
Perhaps…
Love beckons you to become blind
when love itself is fading
and you realize that eternity
ended with yesterday’s rain.
Perhaps…
You are too beautiful
for any man to look through your eyes
and see that your tired soul
is waiting to be understood.
Perhaps…
Learning to let go
leads you to find love
that will no longer fade
nor end with tomorrow’s rain.
FRIGID
I fear your eyes
they know no kindness
only the gnawing sparkle in them
remain within my reach
too familiar
your soul is cold
warmth freezes
drops like diamonds
shatters like ice
frozen
my hands are sore
blooded and numb
trying to reach
your broken soul
hopeless
Images
I will never get tired of looking at your face and memorize each line
and expression that gives birth to the wholeness of your beauty
the way your lips curve when your laughter echoes through the corners
of the room when my humor is good enough for your ears
the way your eyes sparkle when the tears in them resist to flow freely
to show me the anger you never knew how to set free
I will never get tired of hearing your voice hum a lullaby every time
I fear closing my eyes thinking that you will vanish with the darkness
the way your song gives me strength to believe that the sun will always remember to bring tomorrow for us to still share
the way the sound of your heartbeat comforts me while I touch your hands
and cherish their warmth when loneliness becomes too familiar
I will never get tired of sitting beside you every night when we wait
for the sky to shed tears to bless our common soul
the way you earnestly hoped for a star to fall in your hands and
share with me all of its brightness and wonders
the way your arms softly embrace me with reassurance that there will still be nights for us to share in waiting for a star to witness our oneness
…I will never get tired of recalling your fading memories
Joan’s Song
Your song knows no melody
Knows no rhyme
Not even a perfect line
When your heart bleeds
Your song does little to cure
The pain you cause yourself
When you forget
That love alone will never be enough
Your song knows no sadness
Knows no weariness
Not even a drop of mistake
When your heart already feels
Your song makes you believe
In waiting for forever
And remembering
That love alone is enough
When your song finally knows melody in sadness,
A beautiful rhyme in weariness,
And a perfect line in mistakes
Someone, at last, has sung for you your song.
Pagpaparaya
Hahayaan kong dalhin ka
Ng mga alitaptap sa mundong
Ninais mong ating pagsaluhan
Sa lugar na binuo mula
Sa ating mga panaginip
Na minsan na nating nasilip
Hahayaan kitang lumipad
Ng maraya, nag-iisa, dala lamang
Ang pabaon kong mga alaala
Sa liwanag na minsa’y
Ninais ko ring yakapin at hagkan
Habang hawak ang iyong kamay
Hahayaan kong kalimutan
Ng maalalahanin kong puso
Na minsan ay may mga bagay tayong
Pinagsaluhan, mga panaginip na binuo,
Isang mundong ginawa nating perpekto
Ng tayo pang dalawa ay iisa
Hahayaan ko ng mawala sa
Aking mga bisig ang init
Ng iyong paghinga
Na bumalot sa aking katawan
Sa bawat gabing ang buwan
Ay hinahanap ang kanyang kabuuan
Hahayaan na kitang lumaya
Patungo sa mundong ating binuhay
Ng mayroong pagaalinlangan
Na sa pagdating mo sa mundong
Nasa dulo ng ating isipan
Mayroon ka ng ibang hagkan
Hahayaan na kita…
Eve to Forgetting
Tonight,
Only the moon knows of your death in my memory.
When it completes its cycle, all that will remain of you
are the stars you dearly counted
and the universe you wanted to create in me
Tonight,
I will let the wind carry my fear of darkness
that you alone knew how to tame
towards the vastness of the sky
for it is painful to be alone in fear
Tonight,
I will count all of the stars
and cover the universe with my quilted tears
if only to hide everything that will lead me back
to that place of remembering
Tonight,
I will remember everything I know of you
each second that your existence completed mine
for tomorrow can no longer hold any of your memories
because even my world has to turn with time
Tonight,
Only the moon can see your death
when I bury you beyond my memory
beyond the stars and my whole universe
in a solitary grave without your name
= (
words
woven to a string of hope
began infinity
a line
within a chasm
made perfect
embracing
our souls
blissful
space
took form
flesh
life
was melodious
a symphony
tomorrow
left our thoughts
only today mattered
time
caught in our hands
scarce
love
wrapped in our hearts
gone
Twenty-One
Darkness looms in the gloomy horizon as I sit by the breakwater of the bay. Darkness is slowly devouring the freedom of the day, the strength of the light and spits out the venomous spate of grief and agony. I hear hushed moans of yearning for the safety of the sun from the people who had come to watch the last battle for the day, the sun against the imminent victory of the night.
Crouched between the stones aged by the weight of moss and the acrid water, the city’s breeze tickles my nose.
“Thirteen… fourteen… fifteen…” those familiar words roused me from a minutes’ snooze. He had already begun his nightly ritual. “You seem not to tire of it.” I said to the boy who snugly sat beside me. “I haven’t counted them all yet.” he said in a less interested way. I tried to muff my laughter but the sound was already obvious to him. He continued his hobby while turning his back on me.
“Sixteen…seventeen…eighteen…nineteen… twenty.” I already knew he was through with his play. “So, there were only twenty stars tonight?” I said sarcastically. “No.” came the mechanical remark. “There are more than twenty, there are millions out there, my mother told me so.” he said.
This would have been the end of our repetitious nightly conversation, being irritated I chose to say something more. “Why then did you stop?” I retorted. “I can only count up to twenty you know, my mother died before she could teach me the next number.” The boy said in a sad tone. I was taken aback by his frankness. I had been sitting with this boy for the past ten sunsets on the aged breakwater, all I knew before was he enjoyed counting stars, just that. Guilt laden, I tried to make up for my rude attitude by being kinder. “Why are you here every night, don’t you have a family or someone to take care of you?” He kept silent for a while. “Hey! Are you mad at me?” I said with further guilt. “No, I am used to being laughed at by people when I count stars, about a family, my mother was my only family.” He looked up and pretended to count his stars again just as he did this a tear rolled down his cheek, which he quickly wiped with his shirt. I wanted to say something but my tongue got numb at the sight of the little boy.
“Bit your tongue, Mister?” the boy asked. I could not answer him for a couple of minutes. “You seem to enjoy yourself when you count stars here in the breakwater.” I heard myself mutter. The boy spoke in a sadder tone, “They’re the only one’s I’ve got and I have no other place to go to.” I knew then that I had been a trespasser to his home starting the night I comfortably took a big portion of his spot in the breakwater. “Don’t you have a family of your own?” the boy asked me eagerly. I felt awkward and refused to answer. “Hey! Are you mad at me?” the boy said chuckling. I felt my lips grin at his action, my first smile in a week’s time.
“I have no use for one.” I lied. “I wish you have one because it really feels good to have people who care for you.” I heard him say this as he got closer to my side. “When my mother was alive we were a happy family, just the two of us.” He added, as he threw a stone at the calm ocean.
“Why do you count stars?” I asked him, trying to think of a better way to change the subject about families. He replied, “Because they’re beautiful.” He pointed at a star with the most lustrous sheen, “That star is my mother!” he said happily. “How did you know?” I said puzzled. “Because my heart says so.” he answered in utmost certainty. “Why count the others then?” I said in further puzzlement. He sighed, “For them not to be lonely.” I looked at the sky and told him, “How can they be lonely? There are a million of them out there!” The boy earnestly looked at my face and studied it carefully. He stood up, took a heavy breath and said, “Stars do not know each other, a star can only see the light of another. The distance between them is too great to let their lights warm each other’s loneliness.”
“Do you think you can make all of them happy? You cannot count all of them you know.” I said truthfully. He replied, “I may only know how to count until twenty, but each night I look at the sky and try to count all of the stars, my heart has already counted them a million times.” His faced beamed with satisfaction.
The boy sat down and pulled his shirt over his legs to cover himself from the cold. His eyes began to close as the ocean stirred from its slumber. The sea breeze blew against his youthful skin, making him shiver. I took off my worn out coat and covered his frail body, rubbing his back to make him feel a little warmer.
I slowly looked at the night sky again and heard myself count, “Twenty-one…”
*** some of the works are part of the 4th installment of KUWADERNO, the official literary folio WHITE n BLUE student publication of St. Louis University, Baguio City.